MY life.

I can't quite explain it right now. I don't know. I feel like a dork for typing on the internet about how I feel, blah blah whatever. But right now, it's the only form I can actually express myself. There are some subjects that are bothering me that I'd rather keep to myself but on the other hand, whatever. Let me type away.
So. the meet? This Sat? I DON"T EVEN KNOW. In some ways, I actually don't feel anyway part of the team. I've managed to stray away from whatever goes on. Family bonded with my sister, I'm so thankful to have her with me <3 I really love her. Haha, yay for one year apart siblings :) but yeah, I'm actually really excited for my other sister to join next year, that it won't matter who doesn't join and whatever. I'm not trying to sound selfish or whatever but yeah. I love them. I can talk to them about anything and I mean anything and not be judged. They would actually agree with me and everything. It's 11:15 right now, well approximately. School still gets me even though we're on spring break. Worst thing ever. I still have so much to do, but so little time. So much tests and everything to do. I want to study for them, but it really takes up A LOT of time. Time is very scarce, which is why we need to spend it wisely. Okay, so I'm probably going to go off topic and rant or just burst into a different topic/subject but I don't care. First off, girl power! :p and second, freedom of speech. I don't know. I think I'm actually restrained or restricted from actually full on speaking. Like by some chance someone who knows me or some person from a faraway place will see this blog, go to this post and broadcast it or whatever. Worst care scenario mindset. But yeah. Whatever, I'll go for it. I don't really care for relationships and that mushy stuff. I'm happy with how I am, independent and stuff. I actually think if I were to have a boyfriend, I would lose my "momentum" in school and be out of focus.  So that's one. But another, it's fun talking to someone. Maybe it could just be on a friendship basis? Hmm, I remember middle school where I had guy best friends (no one I had a crush on) but those all failed terribly. I want a guy bestfriend. I sort of do but it's not really there right now. I miss that dude, is he taking care of "Lil' Lamb"? haha(: But yeah. I don't know. boys boys boys. I guess I like that feeling of some type of security. Not that I don't already have that feeling from family, friends, and good company. Life goes on. I am trapped in this seemingly endless vortex of school and studies. Is the future really worth it? Yeah, it is. But I still have no idea what God has planned for me. I may never know, I can actually be a nun or something. No laughing matter, I'm being serious. Hmm... it's actually quite mind-boggling. The future and life outside Earth. It's crazy how teachings can alter beliefs and faith, but no matter. I'm sticking to mine. I want to travel after school ends and before work, if that's possible. If not, I want to travel before I settle down. Australia, Italy, Greece, China, The UK, around the US, Brazil, EVERYWHERE! (x Haha, yeah. For some reason, I can't imagine myself actually settling down. Well, not yet actually. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I'm happy my parents raised me the way I am. I love them dearly and I want them to know that. That's why I'm trying to work for this. You may think it's for them, but no. They had me in mind the entire time. And that is why I will pass it on to my siblings. :) Grr, that swimming thing is still bothering me, I had a feeling I should have asked the coach yesterday what time we were meeting up for the meet on Saturday, but nooo I decided to save it up for today and Friday, but practice isn't here! what the hedgehog. Really?! Okay, fine. I want to say that I won't do anything Saturday, but I was actually looking forward to this meet. and I'm not trying to sound vain, conceited, narcissistic, but the relay can't really achieve their times without nevermind. Yeah they can. -____- Ugh, why does life have to be so difficult? NOT. I have to be thankful, I have the freedom to do what most people can't, and I have so many blessings. There is SO MANY THINGS to be thankful for. This may make me sound bipolar, but disregard my complaints (x just kidding. PEnt up feelings are kind of let out here. If anyone actually read this or whatever, I congratulate you.But seriously. this was a 15+ minute post. You could probably finish this in half the time or whatnot.